Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
