Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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