I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
my liver is dry heaving
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
