he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Enjoy the penises
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
