Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
