It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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