I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
