I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
