drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
