I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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