Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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