I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
pop tarts are not kleenex
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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