remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
