Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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