ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
