I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
