I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
