If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
