Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
