i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
