question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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