How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
