After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
