some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
