He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
