i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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