I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
