I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
