You're completely useless in the revolution.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
