he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
