Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
