ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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