There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
