After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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