VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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