my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
