The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
