So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
