It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
