stop calling my apartment porn island.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
