Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
