um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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