She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
