Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
