So drunk its hurt
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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