I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
