i think i have two assholes
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
