Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
