hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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