I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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