If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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