I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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