I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
