is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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